6.21.2005
AN ANAGRAM FOR SITH
Well, you're all bright kids so I'll assume you figured out the anagram part of this post. That along with yesterday's post give you a very clear idea about how this final installment of the "Star Wars Saga". I'm going to warn you right now, I'm about to talk about Star Wars a great deal. Please bear in mind that, though there once was a time when I pretty much lived/breathed/ate Star Wars, that time has long since past. Puberty is a fine thing.
Still, I enjoy the memories of the original trilogy, and was originally excited about the foray by Lucas to bring the first three "episodes" to the big screen. I can recall downloading the trailer for Phantom Menace (and watching a fairly raucous party fall to total silence when i fired it up for all to see), Things were looking good.
Alas, that was 6 years ago. We've seen Jar Jar, Bad Acting, Good Actors with horrible dialouge, and some very slick computer generated graphics. I recall Dave's review of Phantom Menace: "The second one will make twice the money if they just call it 'The Death of Jar Jar Binks'. I thought that summed it up well.
Still the fanboy in me held out hope that Lucas would get back into the groove and Attack of the Clones would make up for the first's shortcomings. In some ways it did. A decidely reduced role for Mr. Binks was chief among them. Still Other than Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan, and the fun of seeing Sam Jackson with a purple lightsaber, there really is not a lot of nice things to say about EP II, other than it did not suck as bad as EP I. This is not the metric we want to be employing with the stuff of fond childhood memories.
At this point I am pretty much assuming that Lucas is just going through the motions of filmmaking while focusing primarily on all of the technical innovations he has come up with. My expectations for EP III do not go much beyond the anticipation of spending 8 bucks on a ticket. I had heard a few reviews, and was happy to hear that they were positive. I really tried to minimize exposure, so as to not spoil the fun. What was I thinking?
Revenge of the Sith starts out as all the rest, with the music and slow yellow text crawl. I'm pretty sure I could milk an analysis of the various prolouges of the Star Wars films into a full fleged Phd. Dissertaion, so I won't go into them now, but it is my opinion that this was the weakest of the six. We then go directly into a furious battle with our protagonists on a rescue mission, essentially an excuse for an effects laden battle scene and a mild plot device to remind us of some basic dynamics between characters. These dynamics are so simple, that the only people who really need this refresher are those who have not seen the last 2 films. Guess what those would be the same folks who did not go to see this one.
Have I mentioned that this film clocks in at 2:38? That's what it said in the listings anyway. It will be the fastest 2:38 of your life I'm betting. Lucas makes a point to try and draw so many things to closure (or to make other connections to EP IV-VI that are not really needed) that we really don't get to develop any one concept enough to really enjoy them.
The 'Love' scenes are some of the most painfull ever witnessed outside a highschool drama class, and in this case it's almost entirely because of the pathetic writing of George. Seriously his dialouge is intended to simply push a painfully bored cast around a movie I am quite certain he really didn't want to have to make. I think he would have rather baked a cake or something. Anything but make a movie. The Inclusion of Chewbacca was one of the strangest of all. I think it's cool that Chewie and Yoda are down by law and whatnot, but WHY???? Why deid it have to be Chewbacca How the fuck did he go from an apparent leadership position of wookiedom, to first mate on a low rent smuggler's ship? It's this desire to connect everything and everyone that really made this last film exasperating.
Key to this whole Movie is of course the transforamtion of angry youth Annikan Skywalker into heart of stone bad mother Darth Vader. This too is less than gratifying. when you stop and look at all the actions, and all of Annikan's reactions, you basically come to the conclusion that this kid is a spoiled brat who probably needed Mace Windu to get TNT Superfly on him. The logical lapses are so fast and constant that you start to just ignore them. One saving grace - the final transformation was satisfying. But George messed that up with a single word. The new smug sci-fi nerd catch phrase for 2005 is "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Truly sad.
Oh but at least the effects were good right? Well yes and no. The attention of detail was definitely nice. However just because you render farm can put 60 gazillion ships / explosions / lasers / whatever in a scene does not mean you should. Dramamine would not be out of the question for some viewers. Tip to Lucas, but some of the computers away and hire a few model makers if you ever want to do a sci-fi epic again. Trust me. Oh and a screenwriter, you definitely could use a good screenwriter. Also see if Irvin Kershner is in the rolodex. That guy knows how to direct one of these things.
So it's a disjointed review, but it mates up nicely with the thrown together crap that Lucas has unleashed on the masses these past few years. George, your reputation as a master of classic storytelling, mythmaking, and cross genre influences is now officially destroyed. Kudos.
go and tell me all about it
Still, I enjoy the memories of the original trilogy, and was originally excited about the foray by Lucas to bring the first three "episodes" to the big screen. I can recall downloading the trailer for Phantom Menace (and watching a fairly raucous party fall to total silence when i fired it up for all to see), Things were looking good.
Alas, that was 6 years ago. We've seen Jar Jar, Bad Acting, Good Actors with horrible dialouge, and some very slick computer generated graphics. I recall Dave's review of Phantom Menace: "The second one will make twice the money if they just call it 'The Death of Jar Jar Binks'. I thought that summed it up well.
Still the fanboy in me held out hope that Lucas would get back into the groove and Attack of the Clones would make up for the first's shortcomings. In some ways it did. A decidely reduced role for Mr. Binks was chief among them. Still Other than Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan, and the fun of seeing Sam Jackson with a purple lightsaber, there really is not a lot of nice things to say about EP II, other than it did not suck as bad as EP I. This is not the metric we want to be employing with the stuff of fond childhood memories.
At this point I am pretty much assuming that Lucas is just going through the motions of filmmaking while focusing primarily on all of the technical innovations he has come up with. My expectations for EP III do not go much beyond the anticipation of spending 8 bucks on a ticket. I had heard a few reviews, and was happy to hear that they were positive. I really tried to minimize exposure, so as to not spoil the fun. What was I thinking?
Revenge of the Sith starts out as all the rest, with the music and slow yellow text crawl. I'm pretty sure I could milk an analysis of the various prolouges of the Star Wars films into a full fleged Phd. Dissertaion, so I won't go into them now, but it is my opinion that this was the weakest of the six. We then go directly into a furious battle with our protagonists on a rescue mission, essentially an excuse for an effects laden battle scene and a mild plot device to remind us of some basic dynamics between characters. These dynamics are so simple, that the only people who really need this refresher are those who have not seen the last 2 films. Guess what those would be the same folks who did not go to see this one.
Have I mentioned that this film clocks in at 2:38? That's what it said in the listings anyway. It will be the fastest 2:38 of your life I'm betting. Lucas makes a point to try and draw so many things to closure (or to make other connections to EP IV-VI that are not really needed) that we really don't get to develop any one concept enough to really enjoy them.
The 'Love' scenes are some of the most painfull ever witnessed outside a highschool drama class, and in this case it's almost entirely because of the pathetic writing of George. Seriously his dialouge is intended to simply push a painfully bored cast around a movie I am quite certain he really didn't want to have to make. I think he would have rather baked a cake or something. Anything but make a movie. The Inclusion of Chewbacca was one of the strangest of all. I think it's cool that Chewie and Yoda are down by law and whatnot, but WHY???? Why deid it have to be Chewbacca How the fuck did he go from an apparent leadership position of wookiedom, to first mate on a low rent smuggler's ship? It's this desire to connect everything and everyone that really made this last film exasperating.
Key to this whole Movie is of course the transforamtion of angry youth Annikan Skywalker into heart of stone bad mother Darth Vader. This too is less than gratifying. when you stop and look at all the actions, and all of Annikan's reactions, you basically come to the conclusion that this kid is a spoiled brat who probably needed Mace Windu to get TNT Superfly on him. The logical lapses are so fast and constant that you start to just ignore them. One saving grace - the final transformation was satisfying. But George messed that up with a single word. The new smug sci-fi nerd catch phrase for 2005 is "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Truly sad.
Oh but at least the effects were good right? Well yes and no. The attention of detail was definitely nice. However just because you render farm can put 60 gazillion ships / explosions / lasers / whatever in a scene does not mean you should. Dramamine would not be out of the question for some viewers. Tip to Lucas, but some of the computers away and hire a few model makers if you ever want to do a sci-fi epic again. Trust me. Oh and a screenwriter, you definitely could use a good screenwriter. Also see if Irvin Kershner is in the rolodex. That guy knows how to direct one of these things.
So it's a disjointed review, but it mates up nicely with the thrown together crap that Lucas has unleashed on the masses these past few years. George, your reputation as a master of classic storytelling, mythmaking, and cross genre influences is now officially destroyed. Kudos.
go and tell me all about it
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